Pearls of Encouragement for Christian Working Moms
October 2008 Edition
Welcome
Blog/Online Bible Study
CWM Coaching Tips
Article – When are the best times to listen to your children?
Welcome

How are you doing? In the United States and also other parts of the world there seems to be an economic crisis and people are worrying.
I was talking to a co-worker one day and we decided it is better to put our faith in God than in the stock market. Now more than ever we need to trust that God is in control of our personal lives and our nations.

If you are new to the CWM community, welcome my dear sisters in Christ. I just wanted to remind you that previous issues of Pearls of Encouragement for Christian Working Moms can be found on the archives page and free articles page of www.christianworkingmom.com.

Do you need a grace pick me up today? Do you need to rest in the grace of God and how he sees you? Then, I would heartily recommend you read Girl on a Swing by Nancy Kennedy. The sub title is finding rest in the warmth of God’s smile. Become free in Christ once again.

Blog/Online Bible Study

We have had some great discussions on the CWM Blog. You can find it at http://christianworkingmoms.blogspot.com. Please visit the Open Comment section and answer a recent question by a CWM. Also, please share the best ways you listen to your children, based on the article this month. The CWM Online Bible Study can be found at http://cwmbiblestudy.blogspot.com.

CWM Coaching Tips

Take some time to invest in you and receive a daily CWM Coaching Tip delivered to your email box. Grow in your walk with Christ.
To find out more go to: http://www.kimberlychastain.com/cwmtips.htm.

Article – When are the best times to listen to your children?

Do you find yourself talking to your children more than listening to them? Do you find that most of your talk to them is about putting something away or doing homework? Sometimes our lives are so fast paced it seems our conversations can become that way as well.

So, when are the best times to listen to your children? The short answer is when they are willing to talk. The longer answer is setting the right atmosphere for good listening to occur. Why should we listen to our children? Our children have important things to say and truly listening to someone says they are important to you.

So, here are some suggestions on best times to listen to your children:

1. The car is a great place to have a conversation. One, the children are captive and can’t (hopefully won’t) jump out of the car. Also, they don’t have to make direct eye contact so it is easier for them to talk. Instead of saying, “How was your day?” say, “What was the best part of your day or the hardest part of your day?” I have noticed sometimes my children want to be quiet in the car and sometimes they are chatter boxes. Try not to be on the cell phone, but listening to what your children have to share.

2. Listen to your children when you are putting them to bed. There is something about when the lights are out that children start to open up about their day. Now, I will be honest with you by that time of the day I’m ready for bed and not a long conversation, but those are usually the most heartfelt conversations of the day. All the worries or concerns come out or just funny events of the day. Be willing to listen at the end of the day.

3. I have one child that likes to start conversations in the hall or when I’m leaving a room. I have purposely stopped what I’m doing, make eye contact and listen to what he has to say. Conversations with him tend to be more informal.

4. Some children talk better when they are doing an activity. Boys, in particular, may talk more while shooting baskets or throwing a baseball. You can really have some in-depth conversations. Girls might want to sit on your bed and have a long conversation about every detail that happened to them that day. I know these are generalizations and all children are different. The key is being available and learning to listen in the style that fits your child best.

5. Be interested in what your children are interested in. Right now, I’m learning that the ugly frog is the size of your hand and the fire belly toads that we have are the size of a half dollar. Personally, I prefer smaller toads even though if you touch them they are poisonous. Believe, if you had asked me ten or fifteen years ago if I would become an expert on toads, I would have laughed at you. But, I’m learning quite a bit from my son. Take time to learn as much as you can about your child’s interests and be involved with them.

6. If it is important enough for you child to talk about then it is important enough for you to listen, whether you have the energy or interest. If we don’t find time to listen to our children, then our children will find other people to talk to.

7. Ask your children questions when you are listening to them. Let them be the expert and teach you. When my children are studying something in school, that frankly I don’t remember, they love to say, “You don’t know that?!” I let them know I knew it at one time, but it is long gone from my brain.

8. One of Jesus’ favorite ways to teach was telling stories or parables. So, if we listen to our children’s stories in some ways we are modeling how our Savior taught.

9. Children who have been listened to are more willing to listen to their parents. If children see the conversation as always one way, you do the talking and they do the listening; they quickly lose respect for you.

10. Listening to our children is a gift we can give them to show our love for them. Doesn’t our Heavenly Father listen to us anytime, anywhere? We should model that for our children.

Is there a perfect time to listen to your children? Probably not. You have to know your child’s personality and yours as well. The most important thing is that you are willing to listen and available. Some of my most precious conversations with my children have been when they share their hearts with me and what is going on in their lives; it is truly a gift. One final suggestion, a good way to get to the heart of what is going on in your child’s lives is to ask, “How can I pray for you?” You will be surprised at what you hear. Then, follow through and pray for your child.

May we learn to be as good a listener as our Heavenly Father.

Till next time,

Kimberly M. Chastain

Kimberly M. Chastain, MS, LMFT is the Christian Working Mom Coach and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She is the author of 2 ebooks and an online Bible study. To find out how to receive coaching tips by email daily, go to http://www.kimberlychastain.com/cwmtips.htm. You can find more information about Christian Working Moms at www.christianworkingmom.com For a free, initial coaching session send an email to free@kimberlychastain.com.